God Damn, Mr. Murphy. You Got Bitch Titties!

7 Jun

I had barely put the chalk down after writing my name on the board before I was initiated into the world of substitute teaching. It’s been a decade since, but I’ll never forget that moment, because in addition to realizing that the tone for the day had just been set, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “this chunky little miss might want to tuck the muffin top back in before throwing down the fat gauntlet.” But I think of her now, only because I feel she should know that they’ve gotten way bigger!

Damn, how did this happen? How have I become such a “before picture.” Oh, right. I haven’t exercised in forever and now it’s official. Continue reading

Career Workshop with Bobcat and Mister Rogers

16 May

First off, apologies for being away so long. For the past month or so I’ve been in the middle of relaunching another site that pays those bills.  Computer stuff – as my mother simplifies it down to- doesn’t happen on it’s own in 10 different languages and it took a little bit more time than I hoped. So check out mtvatthemovies.com when you get a chance.

During that movie-heavy period I had runs ins with two very different figures from my childhood and although they’ve probably never been mentioned in the same sentence by anyone before, they had a surprising impact on me decades after I last thought about them. I have some pretty concrete childhood memories of both Bobcat Goldthwait and Mister Rogers, and after watching a movie directed by one and a documentary written about the other their similar themes have had me thinking a bit about my childhood and my career.

You’ll probably find it surprising to hear me say that as a 6 year old, Bobcat actually resonated more with me than Mister Rogers did. Or you know me quite well and that isn’t surprising to you at all. Continue reading

Prayers on the Way to Shea 2

20 Apr

It’s a no brainer that geography tends to be the key factor in where one’s allegiance lies when it comes to sports. I grew up in an area that puts collegiate athletes on a pedestal higher than most anything. When this year’s St. Paddy’s Day fell on the same day as a Syracuse University basketball game, I saw something that I never thought could happen. A sea of orange covered my hometown city that day. If that happened anywhere else in the world with at least one Irishman there would have been rioting.

Maybe it’s because Syracuse is the only place in the world where green sits at the top of the traffic light so no one really cares about having to show their green pride. Likely it’s because most Irish-American’s don’t care why or don’t know why it’s the wrong color to be wearing on the 17th. But definitely it’s because sports fans are rabid, crazy, illogical, and emotional nut-jobs who put their teams over God, country, and family depending on the season or day of the week.

I’m not judging though. I put myself in that same category,  but I’m lucky enough to own a shirt that would have pleased both County Kerry and Onondaga County that day. But that’s not why I bring up fandom reigning supreme over everything else. I mention it because my planned trip to Shea 2 tonight reminds me that I no longer live in a place where the allegiances are so clear cut (there are never really any Lemoyne fans back home, just SU fans who went to Lemoyne College), and I fear for what team my daughter- who isn’t even old enough to know what sports are yet- will side with.

I may be heading out to Shea 2, but I’m a Yankee fan. My brother is a Yankee fan. My father is a Yankee fan. Murphys are just Yankee fans. That’s the way it’s been since Dad showed up to this country and assimilated by learning to play baseball with other kids in a town where the Yankees minor league team played out of. That’s right, we’re talking a whopping two generations of fans!

I already have plans of continuing that bond with the third generation, but I live in Queens off of the 7. So what will happen to Baby Girl? Will she grow up to root for NY’s JV squad? Do I try to convince my wife we should move to the South Bronx? Can I convince the MTA to extend the 7 to 161st Street? Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the Mets. I met my wife in Queens after a Met game. Good things do come from Flushing, just not good baseball teams.

So please God, when it’s time for her to choose her pinstripes, let her go with the dark blue ones. And I swear, if You let her become a Red Sox fan like that rogue cousin of mine then she’s grounded forever and will miss all of her sacraments! What’s that, God? You can’t believe I’m putting such petty sports related things into my prayers? Well I guess you must have skipped over the “rabid, crazy, illogical” portion of this piece. And clearly you’ve been ignoring my stadium seat prayers for quite some time now!

by Sean Murphy

Ever put your team first when you know it should be a distant second? Any sports related imaginary parental dilemmas of your own? Share them in the comments section.

The First Rule of Prop 8 Club

10 Apr


There’s nothing like coming across one of your old ideas only to realize that it’s way past its expiration date. Although the inspiration behind this site is to breathe life back into ideas that were scribbled on bar napkins, scrap pieces of paper, and notebooks I’ve kept throughout the years, so I guess technically there’s no real expiration date.

“The first rule of Prop 8 club is you don’t talk about Prop 8 club,” was something I jotted down as an idea for a sketch, but it never fully came to life. The idea behind “Prop 8 Club” began because Continue reading

My Seikaly Balloon Deflates… Again

30 Mar

Almost 25 years ago to the day, my father brought me and my siblings to Syracuse’s Hancock Airport to welcome the Syracuse Orange Orangemen back from their trip to the NCAA championship game in New Orleans. I don’t remember much about being at the airport, but what I do remember is pretty vivid. It was a mob scene so I was up on my dad’s shoulders. As the players walked through the tunnel of fans it was visibly clear they were still upset about losing and really just wanted to get out of there. But from up on Dad’s shoulders I was eye to eye with Rony Seikaly and was able to get his autograph. Continue reading

Top 10 Wild Teen Party Movies

1 Mar

I wrote a top 10 list of the best “Wild Teen Party Movies” for MTV at the Movies prior to seeing an early screening of “Project X.” Based on the trailer, the producers, and the hype, I was pretty sure “Project X” had the potential to crack the top 10 or at least be number 11. Sadly the movie consisted of too many montages showing the same thing and not enough funny scenes or good character moments in between. But I had fun making the list anyway, so here you go in no particular order…

Dazed and Confused (1993)

If there was a way to measure how much fun it would be to party with a specific crew of people, this cast would be off the charts. Matthew McConaughey, Parker Posey, Ben Affleck, and Milla Jovovich are just a few of the amazing actors in this ‘70s-set flick in which an entire town of teenagers are all trying to get to the same party…that no one seems to know the location of. Continue reading

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